Changing Times
by moonjat54
Summary: Steve reflects on the changes in his life as he prepares to select new members for the 5-0 task force.


**Changing Times**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Hawaii 5-0.**

 **Hello. I thought I was finished writing until the new season started and then the muse started asking me questions. This is the result of my wondering just how well does Steve cope with all the changes in his life? So here is my one-shot on what I think might be going through his head. I hope you enjoy it.**

It was ten o'clock on a Friday night and 5-0 headquarters was silent and dimly lit by the security lights. One office still was occupied, desk lamp glowing, stretching shadows of the task force leader behind his chair. Steve McGarrett was sitting silently, several folders before him but not holding his attention. He stared out at the empty bullpen, lost in thought. Several hours ago he had sent Danny, Lou and Jerry home to family and friends, using the excuse that he had paperwork to take care of. It wasn't a lie but he had completed that chore over an hour ago and now couldn't bring himself to leave.

He loved the office, felt at home here, proud of what he had built with this task force. His life had gone through many changes, his service was something he was comfortable with but he had embraced putting down roots on this island. When he looked back it did seem that since he turned fifteen his life had been a series of changes. At that young age his life had shifted from a safe family unit to a life where the boy believed his mother had died and his father then decided to send his children away for their safety. He hadn't even kept them together, separating Steve from Mary and leaving him under the occasional supervision of his friend Joe White. The Navy had become the one constant in Steve's life as he entered adulthood and joining the SEALs and Naval Intelligence had given him a sense of purpose. That life 'however' included constant change and he became more nomadic with no place that he called home.

Oh….Steve had friends, some who felt like brothers. SEAL teams were close and trusted their lives to each other but you lost members and teams shifted personnel around so that didn't allow for the feeling of family to remain constant. He had remained close to certain guys and the memory of Freddie Hart still caused pain. His best friend, handpicked to take on that final mission in North Korea haunted Steve. Freddie had died covering his back and made it possible for McGarrett to get away with their prisoner. In the end it was Freddie who paid the ultimate price for Steve's escape. Returning to North Korea to bring Freddie home had only eased a small part of the guilt Steve carried with him daily. Some changes were unbearable.

Shifting in his chair, Steve shook his head slightly at the memories he couldn't stop from running through his mind. He frowned slightly, his eyes still staring out into the outer office. Freddie's death had hurt but the fact that it was followed so closely by hearing the gunshot over the phone that ended his father's life had almost broken him. There had been so much left unsaid and unresolved between he and his dad and Steve knew it could never be fully resolved. At the end, John McGarrett had tried to tell him how much he cared but it didn't wash away the guilt Steve felt. Steve had always thought of himself as strong but regrets could weigh him down at unguarded moments. How many changes was one person supposed to adapt to in one lifetime?

Propping his elbows on the desk, Steve leaned forward and rested his forehead in his palms and squeezed his eyes closed. His father's death had brought him home….back to Hawaii, a place he had not thought he would call home again. Those early days after the funeral, Steve had questioned why he had accepted Governor Jameson's invitation to head her task force. Yes he had wanted to catch the man who killed his father but he had missed the familiarity of the Navy and doing what he knew he was good at. The grumpy blonde detective assigned to his father's case had pushed him into making that decision and as it turned out, it had been a good move. Forming the team had helped ease the transition and he soon enjoyed the new job and the people he chose to work with him. Capturing Victor Hesse had provided a measure of satisfaction when thoughts of his father's death crowded his mind.

5-0 became his life and he was proud of his team. But with passing time even the team had changed. Jerry and Lou had joined them, each of them bringing their own talents to the job. Lou was an asset with his SWAT training and his steady presence. Steve could talk to him about things that bothered him and knew he would get thoughtful support from him. Jerry…well Jerry was unique and in spite of his conspiracy theories, he was a wealth of information and had been useful many times. Steve's lips quirked at how Jerry was like an overgrown kid at times.

Raising his head he looked out at the room again. His gut clenched as he pictured another member of the team that had briefly been with them. Someone who had a much more personal effect on his life. There was so much hurt and confusion when it came to Catherine Rollins' influence in his life. He once….or did he still…..love her? Had he successfully moved on from her? Why did it still hurt to think about her? There was no way he could change what had happened, she had left and he would have to live with that. There may be a day when he would have the answers to his questions but for now he banished thoughts of her to the farthest corner of his mind.

Thinking of Catherine brought another woman to mind, another who had turned his world upside down. His mother, Doris McGarrett, the woman who had set in motion all the major changes in his life. A sigh escaped Steve before he could repress it. He had believed she was dead for twenty years, mourned her and then learned she was Shelborne and she was the reason that Wo Fat had tortured him and almost took his life. He was torn between hating her and still loving the mother he remembered from his childhood. Life was so much easier if he just remained indifferent and tried to not think about her most of the time.

Rubbing his eyes and then the back of his neck, Steve felt a heavy sadness settle over him. Changes were becoming more frequent and he didn't like that. Max had left, for a noble cause but still he was gone. Jenna betrayed him and then at the last minute tried to free him before she was killed. Lori came and went so fast, he never really got to know her that well. The team had changed and friends from outside the team became part of the ohana that grew over the last seven years. Duke, Kamekona, and Flippa were good friends, helping when they could. But the core members of his team had been its heart. Danny Williams remained grumpy but Steve knew Danny had his back. He had saved his life and while Danny loved to rant and complain, McGarrett had become used to his presence in his life. Then there was Chin Ho Kelly and Kono Kalakaua and the reason his mind was wandering down this path at this hour.

He could see the two empty offices in the darker office space and knew he had to address the reason he felt a loss tonight. His team of six was now down to four. And of that four only three were field ready since he couldn't envision Jerry going out in the field with a weapon. He had not ever anticipated being faced with the decisions he now had to make. Chin and Kono leaving Hawaii had never been something that he had expected.

Yes, he knew that Chin had been offered the job of task force leader in San Francisco and he was sure it was a job Chin would excel at. He didn't doubt that his friend was qualified but he had been led to believe that Chin wasn't interested in leaving Hawaii. While Chin didn't say so, Steve suspected that Abby had influenced the decision. He couldn't fault the man but he did mourn the loss of a respected friend and connection to his late father. Chin had worked with John McGarrett and he had shared stories of the father to the son, helping ease the loss of his dad. He had shared experiences that Steve had been denied after he had been sent away. Chin's quiet calm and grace under pressure had been a wonderful asset on the team and his leaving left behind a huge hole.

Kono's leaving had been more of a surprise and came with little warning. They had all known she had been disturbed by the human trafficking ring that they had broken and how she worried about the young girls sold into sexual slavery. No one expected her to go off on her own and leave her job and husband behind. Adam had seemed a bit bewildered about her decision when he showed up to collect some of her stuff from the office, but still he had defended what she had done and was sure she would return. McGarrett felt sorry for him, knowing all too well how it felt to have the woman you loved leave.

Steve understood the passion Kono felt for this cause but if he was honest he was hurt that she had not come to him before she took off. Over the seven years they had worked together, he had come to admire the skills she brought to the team and viewed her as a younger sister. He had always trusted her to hold up her end of any job. Still…..to him the way she left felt wrong.

So now he was faced with a diminished team which would be less effective. With only three trained members it hampered how they took on each new case. It didn't sit well with McGarrett to send either Danny or Lou out without a partner. He felt more comfortable going it alone with his skill set but he also knew that could be foolish. Many of the cases they took on required backup and the need to separate to handle different situations was necessary. So far they had worked as a threesome but Steve knew there would be times when it would be vital to split up. The Honolulu police would always help but he wanted an intact team that could operate independently of HPD.

The answer to this problem was to once again remake his team. He needed to add one or two more to the task force and they needed to be people he could trust. The folders on the desk held names he had gathered from the police academy's promising graduates, HPD officers who could fill the positions and even names from some of his contacts at Pearl who might like a change. He had listed his requirements and had received some interesting prospects. It was time to change things again and he accepted the fact it needed to be done.

Sighing again, he shoved the folders aside and ran his hand over his face. He felt weary, a heavy weight lay on his shoulders and he wished this had never come up. He would not dwell on his health issues that had sprung up lately, he was dealing with them but refused to feel sorry for himself. He couldn't and wouldn't change what he had done when faced with a bomb that could have destroyed so much. He could only go forward, following his doctor's instructions. He felt okay at the moment and that was all that mattered.

Pushing his thoughts back to the job ahead, he reviewed the names that had touched his interest and planned how he would present them to Lou and Danny. It was vital that the team could work together and while he valued their opinions, this was ultimately his choice. He needed them to work as a unit and that would take some time before they meshed as one team. Hawaii deserved a group that could protect the islands and he would make that happen.

The chair creaked as he stretched and pushed it back. It was time to call it a night he thought as he rose to his feet. Monday he would present his choices to the others and then make the final decision. He did feel better knowing that there was one thing in his life that didn't change. His dedication to his country and the islands he called home remained a constant. He would always protect what he valued and loved. Doing so gave him a sense of peace.

End Story.

 **I hope you liked this, I needed to get it out before the show began season 8. I have no idea how they will handle Steve selection of his new members other than what has been hinted but I can't help thinking that he would have a moment like this. Change is difficult but our SEAL is no stranger to change. Thanks for reading and many thanks to Cokie316 for agreeing to beta this story.**


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